|
|
April 19, 2004 #
Milfy McNatchy's by Guest Columnist Norman Jeffries, Boor About Town The New York Observer is hardly a paper of note. It treads a fine line between rat-cage-floor papering and test fodder for my new shredder (which ain't far; it's like the distance from my ass to my balls). If I wasn't worried about getting ink-stained hands, I might condescend to read it on the shitter but that's about as much class as it deserves. So when the bright bulbs over at the Pink Whore broke the story of a "new" acronym, I very nearly wiped my ass with it (in the living room, none the less) and canceled my free subscription - the cruelest birthday gift ever, thank you very much Pete "Señor Dick" Norman. To the article's talented author, "MILF" is some new coinage the NASCAR dads are all up into. It must be the snizzle that makes their fazizzle darizzle. Imagine that! Dad originated a phrase that didn’t begin, "Why you little..." Allow me to set the record straight. First, since MILF has been around since the foxy Eve birthed that inflammatory long-hair hippie freak, Ms. Pammy's radar is only off by about 2,000 years, give or take a religion or two. Cain and Abel were MILF hunting when Pammy was just a distant and unholy possibility. Our man G. Legman is probably turning over in his grave. Second, it's not about "seemingly nice married men sit[ting] around and talk[ing] about other people’s wives as fantasy lovers," as Pammy would have it. MILF is, more accurately, something teenage boys exclaim with a twinkle in their pants while they're drunk on Night Train in a friend's attic watching scrambled cable porn. That our author then goes on to try to be a MILF [fist or fondle are also acceptable "f"s] by prancing around in slut clothes at toddler's birthday parties is probably illegal. Or it should be, judging from her lack of pictures in said state. You're luring the kids, lady, not the heartattack-gutted husbands with one hand on their prostate and the other on the TV remote. Wear a goddamn mumu when you're around the little spank machines. Finally, quite simply, fuck you, lady. There ain't no such thing, nor will there ever be such thing, as a "FILF." When "dudes" become "dads" they're called "pussies." Archives "The Other Page" powered by Removable Hype. RSS. Copyright © 2003 La Otra Página, Inc. All nights observed. Feel free to email "info(at)krucoff.com" for questions, comments, stock tips, and family gossip. |
