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April 29, 2004 #
As the Daily Show Taught Us: "Fact Checking Is for Pussies."* Following read to the tune of Revelations 13:11 -- "After this, John saw a second beast emerge from the ground. It had two horns like a lamb, but made a noise like a dragon. This second beast was servant to the first beast, and extended its authority everywhere, making the world and all its people worship the first beast, which had absorbed the fatal wound which later healed."
(I'm going to start this first sentence so it sounds folksy, like I'm there chatting with you over apple pie and a tall glass of porch lemonade. Ready?) So, I was watching this interview with Elmore Leonard on BookTV and he mentioned how he was only ever asked to review books by crime writers but he really wanted to review an Anita Brookner short-story collection or something. That's cute, if not laudable. It got me thinking of how other writers (and most readers) would benefit from an old-fashioned New Canaan "keyboard party." Re-Assigned Writers: Dale Peck -- Covering the Newark crime beat. His penchant for diatribes and personal attacks would go down well with the corner boyz who could pelt his head with 40s and black-market AKs. Kurt Vonnegut -- Handling foreign travel and leisure. When he was younger, KV actually spent time on the Continent and it wasn't while touring with Aunt Gertie taking in the sites and some fine soirees. Plus, he's really old and old people should be sent away. (Note: He dropped the ".jr." a while back. Now that's old.) Tibor Fischer -- Doing the bridge beat, that section by the comics which no one reads but if they did they might actually learn something about the meaning of life, which doth hide somewhere within the intricate contest. Steve Martin -- Not writing. Adam Gopnick -- Maybe we can throw him a bone and let that frou-frou-latte-and-croissant homme write blind items for Page Six. That'd teach him to tell me about his daughter's first day at L'Ecole du Huh. Dalton Ross -- Currently with a worldview as narrow as a cat's poop shoot, branching out and acting as chief foreign correspondent might just force him to open his eyes and see farther than the TV, four feet away.
* Ed Helms brings it hard. |
