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February 23, 2004 #
 The FreshRegret Conspiracy - Ahhhh, run for your lives!! Black areas designate Pie-Eyed access hotspots where I have been so drunk in the last nine years that I blacked-out and acted like an ass, causing days of regret afterwards! If you live(d) in these areas, I apologize!! Lockhart Steele has really flipped his trash lid this time, exposing some of the most bizarre rotting cerebral garbage since Anne Heche went knocking on doors. He has been mapping the proliferation of Nigh-I hotspots of FreshDirect delivery access in Downtown Manhattan since November. With all the vigor of an independent counsel looking for a cum-stained dress, his investigation of the baffling exclusion of the Lower East Side from the benefits of home grocery delivery has given food dilettantes and indolent apartment dwellers reason to live again. The neighborhood has been literally starving in the process. Pale-faced, gaunt kids lined eight-deep at San Loco and El Sombrero are pleading, "Por favor señor, quiero más." As self-appointed leader of the cause, Steele tracks the situation and alerts local green market representatives in weekly bull & arugula sessions at Schiller's Liquor Bar. Hethinks the discrimination has gone too far! In one of the more ludicrous quotes to ever appear in the New York Times, Steele proclaims the lack of FreshDirect was preventing him from engaging in topical cocktail conversation! Meepers! I guess once you've exhausted all the interesting topics like canine anal-fisting it's probably time to call it a night. (If that's really the case then I advise more cocktailing, less conversing.) But finally, thank god, he gets his FreshErect on (I spare you the obvious map depiction) and reports the lobster is rolling in for him now, though others still have to wait and keep dreaming of eating Gruyère cheese without putting on pants. "This is inappropriate use of the mapping facility." Sir Tim Berners-Lee Archives "The Other Page" powered by Removable Hype. RSS. Copyright © 2003 La Otra Página, Inc. All nights observed. Feel free to email "info(at)krucoff.com" for questions, comments, stock tips, and family gossip. |
