"The Other Page"

January 1, 2004 #


Get baked in Hell's Kitchen with King Diamond and
Baby New Year

Beginnings are seldom easy. Fortunately there was no problem in deciding how to start 2004. Below is something a friend from Maryland wrote in '96 and I read it whenever the walls feel too close and the breathing down my neck gets a little warmer. Best described as an inverted cross between the speech Alec Baldwin's character delivers in Glengarry Glen Ross and...and...and...something else no doubt unholy, but I'm not quite sure what. If you own anything by Men's Recovery Project, now would be a good time to play it.


"Go Fuck Yourself" - It's the only show in town. I'm gonna tell you why. Because there's too much emphasis on beer and not enough on construction work. Who's on first you ask? The bike messengers, that's who. Believe that one and I'll tell who's on second (Hint: It's not the doctors or the lawyers.) So by the time you've realized you should be working back to the bottom instead of up to the top you're two months shy of a pay hike. You've got too many silk ties in the closet and not enough D&D modules. You've fucked yourself out of one job and into another. (You think L.A.'s dirty, wait till you see Texas!)

The simple mathematics are this: whoring is exponential. It starts off slow but by the time you've smelled that first rose you realize you've fucked not only one, but an entire regiment of foul-mouthed teenagers. And they're the ones who read the papers. And they're the ones who'll be giving and getting pussy. And pussy will be assigned to closers and closers only. Still didnt get it? Cause the good news is you never will. When the forest rangers and TV reporters and building managers and corporate executives tell you it's time for lunch you know they're two days late with the rent. TIME SENSITIVE MATERIAL. You think I'm fuckin with you, then check the mail cause it's not there.

The starting gate opens at dawn and the line forms to the left. "All those filing for Section 8 please take two steps forward." Silence rolls over the crowd. A timid "Friends" fan takes two steps forward and nervously looks around. Again silence. He or she opens his or her mouth to speak..."Do you take checks?" .38 to the head.

Archives

"The Other Page" powered by Removable Hype. Copyright © 2003 La Otra Página, Inc. All nights observed. Feel free to email "info(at)krucoff.com" for questions, comments, stock tips, and family gossip.