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January 23, 2004 #
 Knock in the Balls: Vinnie Jones and Gazza Music: The Jam - "That's Entertainment" Closing out this "State of the Union Jack-offs" Week is Randy of HiFiNY who teaches us a thing or two about footsocballcer. Interview with a Young Manhattanite Who Got Sucker-Punched in a Chelsea Piers Soccer League Match TOP: Do you think soccer is the most entertaining of the team sports? RK: I'm not sure about entertaining, but, as the Brazilians are quick to point out, I do think it's the most beautiful of all the major team sports. There's no sport that comes close to it in terms of skill, athleticism and endurance. Sometimes just watching build-up from the back can be breathtaking stuff. But I think it's mostly too subtle for a widespread American audience. We've cut our teeth on big hits and nasty flushes, so it's hard to adjust to something that isn't so in-your-face. TOP: How's the "in-your-face" competition in the Chelsea Piers leagues? Any rough stuff? RK: I got punched hard in the stomach a few weeks back. He got a lifetime ban. Also, last week some guy on my team got his bag stolen. The thief had rung up a few hundred bucks on it within 20 minutes at Best Buy. I hope he at least bought a "100 Greatest Goals" DVD. TOP: Who do you think are the two or three most exciting players to watch right now in Europe? RK: I don't watch as much European soccer as I should, but, as much as I hate to admit it, watching Ruud Van Nistelroy's poise in front of the net is breathtaking. He's an assassin up front. Since he's been in England, I think he's averaging like 0.6 goals per game or something. That's really remarkable. And ever since France '98, I've always been a huge Denilson fan. I think he's still toiling away with Real Betis in Spain, so I never get to see him play. But he still has the capacity to make defenders look silly. He plays soccer like those guys on the And1 tapes play basketball. TOP: This might sound hard but you can do it. Please make a sentence using any combination of the following words: Grimsby, Wrexham, Rushden & Diamonds, Wigan, Reading, Preston North End, Sunderland, Kidderminster, Bury, Leyton Orient, Scunthorpe, Notts County, Watford, Bournemouth, Oldham, Sheffield Wednesday. RK: Sure. Stand back... Will Oldham: Hey Bury, I was just Reading somewhere that the Yankees traded for Gary Sheffield, Wednesday. Bury Sunderland: Watford? They already have enough outfielders. Will Oldham: I guess that Scunthorpe Steinbrenner is looking to kill the competition. Things is looking Grimsby. Bury Sunderland: Well, I'm a Cubs fan. So we'll have different reasons to be de-Preston North End of Chicago. Will Oldham: I thought you guys played on the South side. Bury Sunderland: Did I say North? My bad. Where I was Bournemouths aren't for talking, if you know what I mean. Will Oldham: I hear you, dog. Hey, real quick, what's your favorite: rock band, room in your house, and anniversary present? Bury Sunderland: Why, Rushden & Diamonds, of course. Will Oldham: Word. TOP: Now be honest, soccer doesn't have a chance of ever being a real major league sport here, right? I mean, we already have the NFL, MLB, NBA, and even NASCAR is a year or two away from breaking into those ranks. There's just no room, or season, for it. RK: No, I really doubt it. But somehow it's better this way. Really allows soccer fans a chance to be snobs when it comes to defending their sport. "Oh, well, you just don't get it." But I will say that when the World Cup rolls around, it becomes a "major" sport in this country, which is about all you can ask for. For me personally, seeing the U.S. win the World Cup would be the ultimate sports experience. Honestly, if Bush really wants to cheese off the Europeans, he should dump millions into our soccer programs. There's nothing, and I mean nothing, that would piss them off more than to see a bunch of boorish Americans hoisting FIFA hardware. You'd see a few dozen suicides right on the spot. I'm serious. Of course, I'm pretty sure Bush is looking to ban soccer in this country. TOP: Lastly, ever kick someone in the balls for entertainment purposes? RK: No, but I did once lodge my front tooth in the knee of an opposing player. I was in eighth grade and listening to Big Country at the time. Talk about an underrated rock band. The Jam's got nothing on them. Archives "The Other Page" powered by Removable Hype. RSS. Copyright © 2003 La Otra Página, Inc. All nights observed. Feel free to email "info(at)krucoff.com" for questions, comments, stock tips, and family gossip. |
