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January 27, 2004 #
  Top: NY Knick Allan Houston in serious court traffic Bottom: NY's Allen & Houston with little night traffic StateFarm Insurance buys ad space on Yahoo Maps promoting a list of the 10 most dangerous intersections in the country. One can assume they mean in terms of traffic accidents because there are some sketchy blocks in Hunt's Point, Bronx and North Avenue, Baltimore (not to mention the intersection of 10 beers and San Loco at 4am) and none of them made the list. When you search by location on New York the results return with the message "Dangerous intersections. No list available." Of course that data is probably holed up in some NYS DMV staffer's pendaflex covered with doughnut sprinkles and coffee stains. Since I don't drive in the city anymore it's of little importance to me where the car-on-car casualties happen if the statistics don't include when some old geezer in an '89 Mercury Grand Marquis takes out a block of D'ag Baggin' UWS yups. Anyone who pays attention to local NYC news even a little bit will eventually hear a story about the famed stretch of Queens Boulevard that has caused more than 50 pedestrian deaths since 1993. Now we're smelling what they're stepping through. While that's considerably less than the number of murders attributed to Saddam Huessin's reign of terror, it's about 49 more than those during clubland Peter Gatien's. The questions are begged: When are U.S. troops gonna invade Queens Boulevard or can we at least get the courts to shut down the road on racketeering charges? Wait a minute, who cares? Outer-borough problems occupy my list of concerns right after my roommate's requests to stop eating her food. So let's get to something that hits-and-runs closer to home, the Lower East Side. Forgive me if I get a little colloquial here but those Lizzie Grubman in-forward motherfuckers making right turns on green (with the walk sign in full effect) from Houston to Allen are the maddest, most reckless assholes on the face of the earth. They have no regard for human life and constantly whip around that corner with no pause like some horrific real-time version of Grand Theft Auto. Drivers treat pedestrians at this corner like 2nd class citizens, tourists even! Some of the worst perps are the MTA buses, multi-tonnage vessels of stench and death, just wishing to bash your broad side with full frontal AOL ad attacks. You have no choice but to keep running yellow unless you want to be remembered as OU8it2. I am normally a fearless city walker holding the possibly too arrogant assumption "hey, they'll stop" but I always think and look twice when crossing east at that intersection. I suggest you do likewise. And whenever possible, it's a good policy to "human shield" yourself by walking on the safer, break-the-impact, right side of others - like old people and women with strollers. Archives "The Other Page" powered by Removable Hype. RSS. Copyright © 2003 La Otra Página, Inc. All nights observed. Feel free to email "info(at)krucoff.com" for questions, comments, stock tips, and family gossip. |
