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July 14, 2004 #
 by Chris Gage John Matuszak, Jesus, we hardly knew you, with your fucked up dual life and death at 38 or 39, from AIDS, a drug overdose, or a heart attack -- the Internet is a little vague on how you went out. But Christ, we had no idea and we are sorry. Believe you me, if we had known you participated in the World's Strongest Man competition pre-Magnus ver Magnussen's terrifying reign, there'd be idols and shrines built to you. But we didn't. We are mortal, and please forgive us. Before Matuszak "Baby Ruth"ed his way into our pre-teen pre-hardened hearts as monster pinhead Sloth in "The Goonies," the big lug was a FUCKING FOOTBALL PLAYER. Check it: He was Houston's 1973 first pick in the NFL draft as a defensive lineman, played for Houston, Kansas City, Washington, and Oakland, and the 6' 8" colossus rumbled his way through two Super Bowls. His autobiography Cruisin' With The Tooz is a behind-the-scenes look at the game, but ultimately falls far short of such classic sports books as Ball Four and Incredible Lou Ferrigno. Fittingly, Matuszak began his second life as an actor in "North Dallas Forty" as a 'baller -- a sad cliché -- but soon hit his stride and comic genius in '80s classics like the aforementioned single-Corey pic "Goonies," as well as in the Robert Urich / Angelica Huston debacle "Ice Pirates," the Ringo Starr vehicle "Cavemen" (the only non-caveman word in the whole movie is "shit" and we only watched to check out Ringo's soon-to-be wife, Barbara Bach's bouncing breasts, which says it all), and Stan in "One Crazy Summer" -- I'm sorry Matuszak, I've seen the movie half a dozen times, and have no idea who Stan was. You must have so fully inhabited the role that I lost sight of you as an actor. The same way I lost sight of you as a man. Archives "The Other Page" powered by Removable Hype. RSS. Copyright © 2003 La Otra Página, Inc. All nights observed. Feel free to email "info(at)krucoff.com" for questions, comments, stock tips, and family gossip. |
