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June 10, 2004 #
TOPology by Chris Gage Most words have definitions (though some are merely onomatopoeias (basically all the words you don't know how to spell, and even then they arguably have definitions but if you want to split hairs, get your own site)) but many have the wrong definition. It's terribly sad. For these words, and for you, the people we pretend to admire and love, The Other Page lends a hand, though not a very strong one. Media: Sorcery, shamanism, witchcraft. Often confuses the mind of one subjected to it. (Also known as the Gay Wizard.) Sometimes obliterates all else 'round. (See ancient myth of Medea.) Rumor: Often mispronounced (i.e., roomer). Rumors are any one of several hiding places from which rain clouds sprout. They can be both metaphorical and literal: bathroom stalls, dank stairwells, closets; dark recesses of the mind, k-holes. (See "fucked beyond belief.") Drama: A heavy object, often barbed, hurled from a distance at a worthy foe who catches it and returns the volley, only after having cursed the object and with a spell that will suck years of intelligence and thoughtfulness from the next person to touch it. (See your lost summer spent listening to Erasure out by the lake.) Self-hatred: Words like this (also: self-love, masturbation, pride) fail to do justice to the actual act. Instead: picture a cute and cuddly kitty; pet the kitty and listen to the assured purr; rub, rub, rub the kitty; now harder; stroke with the fur and against it; punch it till it coughs up a hairball; there, I think you've got it. (See your cousin Dougy who has nothing to do, again, on Friday night.) Archives "The Other Page" powered by Removable Hype. RSS. Copyright © 2003 La Otra Página, Inc. All nights observed. Feel free to email "info(at)krucoff.com" for questions, comments, stock tips, and family gossip. |
