KRUCOFF'S TOP

June 28, 2004 #

New lines are drawn everyday on the face of old, decrepit rockers. For every Franz Ferdinand there's an indie roots bluegrass band playing in Queens thinking they are keeping it real. The Killers are the latest spectre of rock deity as we ponder if legend Phil Spector is a real killer. Britney Spears and Courtney Love are on converging coke collision courses while Aerosmith plays "Pepsi Smash" concerts on the WB which brings one important question to mind: Do you think Steven Tyler and Joe Perry ever got so fucked-up that they did it with each other?

Yeah, heavy shit. Music is hard to keep up with these days and putting it all in historical perspective is tougher than nailing your first Townsend windmill/scissor-kick combo. Once there were only three chords and three types of drugs to master but the current landscape has more rug burns and bumps than an after-hours club. I prefer to recall a time burdened with fewer complexities, or as Vanilla Ice would put it, "simple like a pimple." I give to you ladies and gentlemen...

The Chums of Los Angeles circa 1982!!

There's nothing better than a lead singer holding a cig like the neck of a guitar and slapping his leg for full strumming effect...except that guy in the back on the right. Awesome. I bet he's thirty minutes away from sitting on the hood of his car and thinking his hands are ping-pong paddles.

Previously unthinkable, here we have the first (and hopefully last) documented proof of "ca-male-toe."

There's one in every group - the straight dude. Uncharacteristically it's the drummer in this case. He probably played in his high school marching band and is now a budget analyst for a defense contractor.

Holy crap I take it back. Maybe he wasn't playing the air guitar, he was air-saxing!! He lost all his cool on this one. Before he was Wooderson from Dazed & Confused, this puts him in the back of the school bus with the geek drummer sneaking beers in their equipment cases on roadtrips.

Ah, the redeemer. Miller High Life and Jack Daniels. Two great tastes even when the music sounds like shit.

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