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March 10, 2004 #
WHEREIN CHRIS GAGE GOES INSANE My desire to change the world is manifold. But each day I look at the stack of magazines on the back of my toilet and wonder why I spend more time reading online, going out, or watching TV. I love magazines but find the industry a moribund and predictable morass of ennui-filled detritus. I'm sure someone once thought that having a Famous Star interview another Famous Star would be a good idea, but frankly this trick consistently falls flat and what you get is two mollycoddlers shaking hands over tea and biscuits and agreeing not to disagree. So, if you're going to make me keep reading this, indulge moi. All newspapers and magazines should have daily, hourly updated blogs on books, politics, and gossip, a la Maud Newton (or beatrice.com, bookslut.com), Wonkette, and Gawker, respectively. Catch up here, people, and hire one cynical, snide, funny, smart recent grad to keep up the updates. (I suggest looking at state schools, as that's where they keep the kids who don't care what anyone thinks of them.) Come to think of it: by blogs, I mean put all this content together in one place, like Gothamist with its aggregated news stories, and event listings, interviews, but more, more, more; you're major media entities for fuck's sake. This should be in addition to whatever else you already print and should in no way resemble anything like your current web site (I'm talking to you New Yorker). With the ONLY exceptions being Halle Berry and Tom Waits, models are not actresses and rock stars are not actors. Ethan Hawke is not a writer. VICE needs more porn. Speaking of which: The New Yorker should stop already with their fiction anthologies made up of previously printed pieces and get around to publishing entirely new collections of never-before-read work. I need me some more fiction that I didn't read on the subway 10 months ago. Or, Remnick, just go buy One-Story.com. Esquire, each time they interview a movie star, should include a DVD of that star's most recent film, which would make their interviews more timely, relevant, and possibly even tolerable. Zagat's should send out $50 coupons to one person who bought the dining guides each month for each major metropolitan area, to make up for the countless times their price ratings have failed me. The cover designer works for the art director who works for the editor in chief. None of them work for the marketing department. Freelancers should be able to pitch front-of-book piece through magazines' web sites. They should be completed pieces, not half-assed unspelled-checked irrelevant garbage. Then they should be voted on by other pre-screened freelancers so I have a way to get back to certain people. Spin and Rolling Stone and their r-n-r brethren should include compilation CDs of unreleased music by unsigned bands. Don't think too hard about this, people, just release music, music, music. The bands will love you, the readers will love you, and your overhead on these things will be less than the PATH ride to Maxwell's for a pre-show sitdown with Yo La Tengo. You should be able to order the products shown in Lucky magazine directly from the magazine. Well, not me, but chicks. Regional magazines like New York, Hamptons, and Texas Monthly should provide free street maps, public transportation info, and local attraction guides; and not in any editorial-screened way but big god damned yellow pages of commodity information. Slate, Mediabistro, Salon, any online magazine with original content, should be emailed to me in an HTML format. Don't even bother offering text-online, grandma needs to get off her TSR-80s and grow up. Hire one crazy lunatic who has no connection to your industry to write a column. Keep him always at a distance: no building pass, no meetings. He's your ombudsman. Andrew Krucoff (theotherpage.com) is probably available, though barely. [Ed.- Chris, now you're actually scaring me...] All magazines should eschew subscriptions, and give the damn things away like VICE. Sure, this may make you kow-tow a bit more to the advertisers but it will certainly endear you to your readers. There: no you work for both, not just the advertisers. And the subscription revenue? Really, it barely covers the costs of keeping S.I. Newhouse in his bespoke suits or Helen Gurley Brown's Botox. Chris Gage is a weekly contributor to The Other Page though his status is currently under review. I'm hoping for more of him. Archives "The Other Page" powered by Removable Hype. RSS. Copyright © 2003 La Otra Página, Inc. All nights observed. Feel free to email "info(at)krucoff.com" for questions, comments, stock tips, and family gossip. |
