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March 15, 2004 #
 Anatomy of a Street Crime Scene Sans The Snatcher Illustration lifted from The Red Chef Addictions are hard to overcome. When they involve alcohol and food it's near impossible, but I'm taking the first step of the last bite: My name is Andrew Krucoff and I'm a late-night eater. On Friday night I got the wake-up call to change my life because this time it was more than $3.75 for a burrito, it cost me my cellphone. I returned to the Lower East Side from a birthday ho-down in midtown around 4am and as usual, the neon sign of San Loco was translated as "Eat Here Now" through my drunken haze. But wait, who's that on the corner? Yeah, Sam the pushcart vendor guy who sells those awesome kimchi hot dogs and Korean beef burgers! Too good to pass up. So I'm waiting for my food when two things happen: 1) I get a call from a friend in Brooklyn 2) a fight breaks out in the intersection of Ludlow and Stanton. We were all curious on-lookers, I gave a little over-the-phone play-by-play, but none of us really knew what the hell was going on. All I saw was RocaWear and some guy getting ass-kicked down the street. It seemed to break-up so I resume talking to my friend about the rest of the night and salivating for my order, one dog and one burger if that completes the picture. Out of nowhere, the douchebaggot motherfucker who was landing the blows snatched my cellphone out from between my hand and head! Before I can blink he jumps into an SUV and with just a hot dog in my hand now I chase after them down the street. This of course was futile unless the purpose was to get a tag number but I think I just wanted to throw my hot dog on the car. Fortunately I didn't attempt that and even someone else in line ran after me yelling "it's not worth it!" When he tried to comfort me as we walked back to the cart he said, "c'mon, it's a hot dog, just buy another one." I was like, "dude, I have my hot dog, he stole my fuckin' phone!!" He responded with an "Oh" but I think we both agreed a phone isn't worth it either. Alas, I was not harmed. While the hot dog was bruised, as well as my ego, both survived. In trying to figure out the reason for this bizarre incident I can only assume the thug thought I had a camera phone which captured evidence or something. If so, he was disappointed but maybe he got some amusement from the dirty text messages. Seriously, when is someone gonna make a cool, hipster wrist chain for these damn things? Archives "The Other Page" powered by Removable Hype. RSS. Copyright © 2003 La Otra Página, Inc. All nights observed. Feel free to email "info(at)krucoff.com" for questions, comments, stock tips, and family gossip. |
