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March 23, 2004 #
 Young Richmondite Interview - Rob Sterling The Basics Age and occupation. How long have you lived here, where did you come from, and where do you live now? Age-wise, I've just begun my final year of eligibility for the coveted "25 to 34" bracket on warranty cards. I grew up at the Jersey Shore, near the historic bayside village of "Good Luck" (which was plowed under and replaced with tract housing around 1965, thus saving the world from an appalling oxymoron). I resided in Jersey City for seven years before moving to Richmond, Virginia in December. Three in memory of Big E 1. Your move to the South seems like a lifetime ago. I'd like to paraphrase Captain Willard from Apocalypse Now and ask, "Richmond? He was 34 years old. Why the fuck would he do that?" Why did Wendy leave Never-Never Land? (Ed.- I dunno but now I'm gonna quote the drill sergeant from Full Metal Jacket, "I'm asking the fuckin' questions!") 2. Could you please describe the disaster that was Boro6.com? Frankly, I couldn't get enough NJ prison architecture stories. The only words I can offer in my defense are "it seemed like a good idea at the time." Some people have asked whether the real reason I left New Jersey was so that I'd have a legitimate excuse to stop writing Boro6. I don’t answer. 3. We all know the major differences between New York and Richmond, so please tell us a few of the minor, interesting ones. The cashier in the corner market wears a .357 magnum strapped to his hip, and goes by the name "Lucky." The Cuban-style sandwich shop around the block employs no persons of discernible Latin heritage. All the bars in Richmond keep their clocks running 15 minutes fast to make it easier to kick people out at at closing time (2am). The Richmond Police deployed the forensics team last year to catch a graffiti tagger. They got him. If you leave your change on the bar the bartender will assume it’s his tip and scoop it up - so don't do that. Proust-Krucoff Questionnaire Please share a personal (and hopefully interesting) Richmond taxi story. This may come as a shock to your readers, but beyond the Palisades, in the rest of America, there is no such thing as "public transportation." Most adults actually own their own cars. I haven't smelled diesel fumes since Thanksgiving. 9pm, Wednesday night - what are you doing? Finishing up at the shooting range. Best celebrity sighting in Richmond, or personal experience with one if you're that type. Well, last week Anne Heche showed up in my vestibule, knocking furiously on the door while wearing nothing but a lace camisole, a Strawberry Shortcake G-string and a pair of butch black Doc Martens. She asked me for directions to the Daughters of the Confederacy headquarters, and then bolted before I could get her autograph. Does that count? (Ed.- Only if you were the one who bolted.) Just after midnight on a Saturday - what are you doing? Explaining to some half-loaded young lovely why the fuck I left New York to move to Richmond. What's the most expensive thing in your wardrobe? My black patent leather Manolo pumps. Where do you summer? I don't do anything that involves verbizing nouns. (Ed.- Oh yeah? Well try to verbize this: FUCK OFF.) Who do you consider to be the greatest Richmonder of all-time? Robert Edward Lee, natch. He lived here after the war. What was your best dining experience in Richmond? Richmond's not Olive Garden country, thank God. Edo Squid in the Fan district makes a tremendous seared tuna - better than Trattoria Dell'Arte (my previous favorite) and at about 1/15th the price. Plus there's a Hooters on Broad St. Just how much do you really love Richmond? So much that I can't put it into words. (Ed.- The truth got your tongue again?) What happened the last time you went to DC? I don't really do DC. In 1988 somebody shot at me on New York Avenue, and in 1991 I narrowly escaped being set on fire during the Mt. Pleasant riot. I wouldn't mind all that, but really, where's the upside? Consider the celebrities you're liable to run into: James Carville? Larry King? If I'm to face imminent, grisly, fiery death, I insist upon celebrities that aren't already cadaverous. Medication: What and how much do you take? I don't take any meds, but for some reason people are always asking me about it. If you could change one thing about Richmond, what would it be? I'd kick out all them goddamn Yankee carpetbaggers been showin' up the last few years. The End of The World is finally happening. Be it the Rapture, War of Armageddon, or a Bodine wins the NASCAR Nextel Cup Series title. What are you going to do with your last 24 hours in Richmond? Longtime Sterling confidantes know that, aside from making sure to eat enough fiber, I live every day like there's no tomorrow. (Ed.- I wouldn't know that.) 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